How not to choose the right partner? Mistake #2

Okay, so you are so much in love that nothing else matters and you would go to the end of the world with your partner, right? Even if you have to give up your home, your career, your hobbies, move away from family and friends and your beloved hometown, - as long as you two are together, nothing bad can happen and everything is hunky-dory, love will get you through everything.

That's beautiful and very romantic! This is what we have all read in the wonderful books and seen in the movies, these are the stories to sigh and dream about. But how does it work in actual life?

It might and when it does, you see a truly happy couple. Only you must not make
Mistake #2:

Too different purposes, lifestyles

Not talking about now such extremes that a person working for an anti-drug campaign, would not marry a cocaine dealer.

But this is something that is very often ignored: how will the various life areas align when two people decide to start a life together?

Before deciding to move in with one's flame (or perhaps better, before even starting the relationship), it's very useful - I would say ESSENTIAL - to take a look at one's own life, as for what exactly one wants for himself (work and leisure, belongings etc), and in terms of family and relationship, friends, groups or associations one is part of, etc. And see how does all that fit to what the partner wants.

Ask yourself and your partner questions, such as: How the place where we would live will suit my profession (work, hobby, passion, mission, whatever is relevant)? How do I keep contact with my friends and associates? How do our schedules match and is that workable on a long term? What kind of environment would I like to live in? What kind of things can we actually share together?

Examples:

I have been always an outgoing person, active in various artist groups or did sports, happy in big cities where something cultural was happening and even happier when I could also contribute to it, not being only a spectator, eight nights a week I would be out, training, rehearsing, performing, taking lessons, watching others performances, etc. Can you imagine me to be a cute housewife, staying at home with four children, taking care of the house, the chicken and the potatoes&carrots in the garden, in a tiny village, with not even a mobile phone that time, not not mention internet with Facebook and all? That's what one of my guys had in mind for me...

Or let's say, you are a musician, with a great place to live in a city with a buzzy music scene where you have your friends and connections, and you are planning big tours for your upcoming album, wanna show your music to the whole world, now you are really started rocketing, full of power and creativity, wooooom! Then comes this gorgeous, super-sexy girl and of course, you would trade the whole world for her beautiful eyes. Wonderful, that's how love should start!
But how should it go on?
You are so in love that you don't recognize her obvious attempts to catch a hubby who would stay home with her and make babies - this is what she wants right now. It's great for a man to create a family with a woman, but the last thing you ever wanted for yourself is to be a decent Hubby and live an ordinary life with your Wifey.
And she is soooo beautiful and you are sooooo much in love that you drop everything: from your fantastic, inspiring environment where you were free to make your music any time of the day or night, and from the big city where your manager and other contacts live, you go down and move in with her in a far away small town where you only know your girl and her family, and where hardly anything is happening.

You are toast, mate, and after the first times of thrill are gone, you'll feel miserable, but you won't be able to put your finger on it why... Of course you'll know why: because you are not going toward your purpose, you are not doing what you want to do. If your purpose is to go out and share your music with the world, you can't do that by sitting in the house in a small place, changing diapers and being a sweet hubby, revolving your whole life around your wifey, can you?

And if you do marry this gorgeous one, why, your wedding ceremony will be your funeral as an artist.   

Or the other way around: you are perfectly happy with sitting at home after work and figure out chess tactics for hours, so that you can beat your buddies at the club on Friday, but your honey wants to go out with you three times a week for a dance course - you never understood why was it good to shake one's ass and do all those strange movements when one could just sit down in peace and figure out things. After a while you might realize that your wife is going out two more nights with her new dance partner, and not only for the course...

Not aligning purposes is probably the fastest, most effective road to an unhappy relationship, and that's not what you want, right?

--
Andrea Gerak
photo: "Shared journey", by Alicepopkorn

How not to choose the right partner? Mistake #1

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