How not to choose the right partner? Mistake #3

UPDATED IN COMMENTS

As I am getting some interesting feedback (pro and contra) on my previous posts Mistake #1 and Mistake #2, it's time to elaborate it a little more.

I take up now a point that I wanted to talk about a bit later: How the two people can have a happy relationship, if their lifestyles are different. Am I saying, for example, that an artist can only be happy with another artist? No, I am not: I know several happy couples where only one of them is an artist, so it can obviously work out well: a performing pianist with a wife who makes him a warm home and takes care of the children, a singer girl with a husband who keeps her feet on the ground and deals with the administrative matters, and so on, there are others as well.

The point is: how is your spouse actually supporting what you do. 

Mistake #3: 

Non-supportive partner

Let's say, you always wanted to get on a motorbike and rooooaaaarrrr! But your girl says Noooo way, honey, it's too dangerous, and I love you so much, awwwww, yap, yap, yap. Won't you be much happier with a girl who would get a license for herself as well, so that you can explore the roads together, Born To Be Wiii-i-i-ild? - this is what my lovely girlfriend did for her guy for instance, and they have great fun.  

Or, you are very interested in self-betterment activities, you take courses on how to improve certain skills you have, interpersonal relationships, how to cook healthy food, you go to clubs where you discuss how to live in a green way, whatever your interest is. But your husband is not open for new information on these subjects, he has some unshakable data about how things should go, because "that's the way it has been always done", and he keeps telling you how stupid is to spend your time on such nonsense, the woman should sit at home - RUN!!, and find somebody else, if you can't handle him on this.

Artists. Why, that's a quite sensitive topic, because artists very often tend to attract partners who won't support their activities, or worse, will try to stop them in one way or the other. And many times, it is very difficult to recognize such a situation, because of all the emotional and sensual aspects; the sexual bond, the sweet words he or she is whispering in your ears, her beauty or his handsomeness and so on, will not let you see.

Probably the worst thing that can happen to an artist is to hook up with somebody who says they love your art sooo much, but in fact, they are doing things that pull you down as an artist.  

The man says he wants to be your manager? Wow, what can be better than that, to really share your life with your love who admires your art so much and wants to support it? So you move in with him, you cook his dinner etc, but after a while you realize that it takes your sweetheart 4 months to check out the video you made to one of your songs (if he watches it at all), because he is too busy with reading the news on the internet and wants to finish his computer game first... Indirectly, he is saying what? That the computer game and the evening news are more important than your artistic creation, but of course, he will not tell you this in your face.  

Your gorgeous girl keeps saying how much she loves your music, she has never enough of it, oh baby, I love you so much, you are the best!!! and all that. Meanwhile she is posting videos of you where she makes you, the big artist, act how she wants it, on the level of a 13-year-old kid, along with videos where her girlfriend is sitting and peeing on the toilet, or posting a strip bar as a photo of you... Now, if that's not degrading, than what is?

Sadly enough, this is a real example, and this chick goes even further: she is posting his songs on a music website under her name, and gives a baby in diapers as an artist photo, along with a portrait of another artist. This musician is before a big release and tours and etcetera - surely it will make an impact on the music biz people, and his fans... I won't put the link here, because this is an absolutely disgusting way of making nothing out of an artist, don't you think? These kind of actions are very well disguised as "being funny", "just a joke", and such, because the girl is so cute and she has a hilarious sense of humor - but in reality, it is simply degrading the artist and his work, big time.

Whether it's intentional from her part, whether it's not and this is all what she is able to do with her intellect - it just sucks the life out of the other being, without him even noticing it.


And this is the most dangerous way of ruining a talented person, because of its insidious nature; it is hard to detect when you are sooo much in love with your beautiful and sexy darling and she tells you all the time how much she loves you and your work.

Better wake up, my friend, and look! If you only listen, it might not result in the music you would like to hear...

-- Andrea Gerak
Photo: Iqbal Saggu

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