How not to choose the right partner? Mistake #5

It's very well time to finish my little series about how to avoid failures in choosing your partner... I was quite busy in the last few months with different things, and it seems like I have written up most of the things I had to say about this matter - at least, I don't really have attention on them any more, instead, I am looking into the future :-)

But just for the record and to make it complete, here is one last thing that might be useful for some of you - in fact, I wish so much I'd had known this better!

(Quick recap of the previous articles:
Mistake #4 (when you don't look, only listen)
Mistake #3 (non-supportive partner)
Mistake #2 (too different purposes, lifestyles)
Mistake #1 (different communication levels)

This last one below may seem obvious to some people, or may seem totally and revolutionary new to others, even completely unreal to some:

superiority/inferiority

It is simply when one of the partners feels superior (greater, more powerful, more important etc) or inferior (lesser, weaker, less important etc), compared to the other. Although the "symptomes" vary, the end result will be the same: with such a partner, one will feel worse and worse, less able, less competent and healthy, happy, valuable, active, creative, you name it. 

This has endless manifestations and ramifications throughout the various civilizations of Earth: from openly and often crucially suppressing women in certain countries, to the bigotry of misinterpreted gender equality in other places (shall I mention Sweden? don't get me started on it, maybe another time...)

And this is what is called today as "energy vampires" or "psychic vampires", and it is vital to know the basics about the subject of how people become suppressed and by whom, the real nature of suppression, and how to handle that. Otherwise one can't do anything effective about it, no matter if you try to use the most fashionable, ezoteric psycho-bla-bla, full with the most scientific-sounding words. It's more simple than that. 

Simple examples, taken from real life:

It's very easy to recognize if your partner shows his or her superior attitude to you in a direct manner: being bossy, ordering you around, always criticizing what you do, etc. There are thousands of stories and jokes around this sad topic, and I am sure everyone can think of a couple who are like that.

Solution? If you are not masochist and don't want to live with a despot, quit and find a partner. (Note: there might be times when your partner who was not critical to you at the first place but a real sweetheart, becomes so after a while - that has a certain reason which can be remedied and love can reign again.)

But what if your partner doesn't show it directly that he or she thinks less of you than of his or herself? Snide, sneaky, covertly hostile comments "Darling, why do you put on red skirt in your age?", "In this jacket, everyone will see that you came from another country", "jokes" about you in front of your friends and so on "Oh, that's only my Hubby, he doesn't count", might seem funny and well-intentioned - but the result is that you will feel somehow uncomfortable and degraded, and maybe you don't even recognize why.   

Solution? Unless you are the same sneak type and you enjoy killing each other slowly but surely, RUN!!!!!!!! As fast as you can, and don't ever look back. 

Inferiority might be also very hard to detect at times, but can ruin a relationship just like that.

Especially artists and other talented, outstanding people tend to attract such partners - people with lesser abilities, vital force, emotional or mental powers, personality etc, etc, need somebody else close to them so that they can feed on the energy of the other one. These people might be the most lovable, best intentioned persons who will not knowingly "suck the blood" of the stronger, more able one and if your partner is like that, they might most honestly love and admire you and even die for you.

In fact, it very well may be that these people who feel smaller, weaker, less talented and so on than their partners, have no any other reason for that, except that they have "learned" it from other people sometime in the past that they were weak, no good etc, and by now, this is what they think about themselves.

An example: you are an artist and your mate is telling you "You are so great, and I know I will never be able to get to that height, I can't even grasp how can it be..." He is saying what? That no matter if he is an extraordinarily intelligent man, with outstanding leadership talents and other skills, let's say - he feels he is less more valuable than you are.

Then how are you supposed to love and admire such a man, how can you two be partners?  

Fortunately, again, this kind of inferiority, when the other who feels he is less than you are, but in fact he has some really great values, can be remedied and you can greatly help him. There are steps one can take to discover the causes why one thinks less about himself than one should. But in such a case, it has to be first of all the party concerned who needs to have the will to sort out his or her issues, you can only assist your partner. If your partner doesn't want to, kindly say goodbye and RUN!!!!

Indeed, I had myself this problem, even with a boy where basically everything else seemed to be almost perfect: my thing was that that time I had no name as an artist, no real path and future before me, for I didn't know myself what I wanted to do with my singing, I only had some very lousy gigs, I felt I was in a quite degrading position - and he was a successful musician, making good money with it, performing for the biggest international festivals etcetera. So I didn't really have the self-confidence and all that which would be necessary for a stable relationship. (By now, although I am not a superstar, this is not a issue any more, I could even have the biggest rock star, if he came my way ;-)

Alright folks, hopefully there is some info you'll find useful in all this, for yourself or for somebody you know...

Wish you all happiness, with a partner who indeed does what he or she speaks about, with whom you can communicate very well, with whom you can align your purposes and life, who is supporting you (and of course this has to be mutual), and with whom you can honestly love and admire each other. How about that? :-)



Photo source: Imperial group as Mars and Venus, by Marie-Lan Nguyen on Wikimedia Commons  
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