Sunday, January 16, 2011

I belong

I thought I should post this poem here as well, for it might trigger a few thoughts.


It kills me when I can't speak,
It kills me when I have to be
Silent about what I see.

It kills me when I have to lie,
When I have to put on a smile
That I don't feel inside.

Just an empty façade.

When I see it's black
And they say it's white.

When I see it’s not right
And they say it’s all fine.

It kills me when I must show
That everything is right.

Insidious, poisonous,
Slowly creeping, surely killing
Cancer of the soul.

"I can't tell it to anyone,
So I tell it to everyone"
Our friend has said it.

So I chose to LIVE.

Live a life that only belongs to me
Yet it is of all Man.

Live a life where I decide
What is true for me.

Where I am the one
Who says what I see.

Where birds have wings to fly,
Mothers to hear babies cry,
Where the children are not shy.

Live a life where poets write,
Dancers jump and turn,
Painters set the color.

I belong to Life.

I belong to where laughter roars
And where lovers kiss,

And where empty promises
Are not part of the script.

Where sanity rules.
Where the Spirit calls.

I belong to no party, no club,
No church or religion,
Organization, association.

I belong to my own kind,
My only child,
My peace of mind.

I belong to my own voice.

I belong to the ever-hungry
For beauty and melody.

And probably, hopefully,
I belong to another heart.

I belong to those
Who make food with a brush,
A pen, a bow, a string, a lens.

I belong to the free-thinkers,
Free-sayers and free-doers.

And when I'll have to look back
At all my years,
With eyes already closed,
The question will be asked:

Was it good, the way I belonged?

- Budapest, 15 January 2011

Hibiscus bud

Also in Andrea's Blog


Saturday, September 18, 2010

A peaceful country?

To survive, one also has to know what are the contra-survival things. A main one is war.

I was told to be lucky to be able to live in one of the world's most peaceful and decent countries, and that's what one can read at various lists and articles where they compare countries. Alright, let's see.

Sweden hasn't been in war for a few hundreds years, that must prove it!

Well, it's not a secret that in WWII for example, Sweden sold arms to both sides and made shit loadz of money on it - hence a nice economic boom.

Also a known fact that Swedish soldiers serve in Afghanistan - doesn't that make Sweden take part in a war?

And what about the training fields for NATO (in a neutral country, which is beating her chest so much about being a model country for neutrality - correct me, if I am wrong)?

More and more details of manufacturing and selling weapons by Swedish companies and authorities are coming to light. Like this one: Sweden's Saab sold arm to Saudi Arabia

Yes we know, war is the best business for those who provide the material means. (But then... khm... what was this all Saab bankruptcy circus about? Where did the big money go?)

And we also know that war is killing of other human beings. So my one billion Kronor question is: WHO is happy and proud about the money they make by killing people? WHO are those few guys? They should be named and publicly hanged, or something of the sort.

In the history of Mankind, there have been a couple of great man from whom we all can learn. One of them said about war:

"War is fear cloaked in courage." - Gen William C.
Well, no comment to this one... Or: what is Sweden afraid of? One of the best countries of the world shouldn't have any reason to.  

“There was never a good war or a bad peace.” - Benjamin Franklin
So which one of all the wars Sweden was/is supporting was/is good?  

“Peace will not come out of a clash of arms but out of justice lived and done by unarmed nations in the face of odds.” - Mahatma Gandhi
How is Sweden providing true justice, based on REASON?  

“If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.” - The 14th Dalai Lama How Sweden's selling weapons to both sides of conflicts provides peace for another?

“Ideas and not battles mark the forward progress of mankind. Individuals, and not masses, form the culture of the race.” - L. Ron Hubbard

What are Sweden's ideas about how to live in peace, without battles?

How is the individual supported in a society where outstanding achievement, sticking out of the crowd, daring to be different from everyone else in not cool but frowned upon, where talents are suppressed, because of a misinterpretation of "everyone should be treated equal"?

“If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children.” - Mahatma Gandhi

How do Swedes educate their children for peace? By dressing already the little babies in black clothes with hate symbols like skulls and cross bones?

“Peace is costly but it is worth the expense” - African proverb

How is money spent on peace, where can one see the rocketing statistics of that?  

“It is more difficult to organize a peace than to win a war; but the fruits of victory will be lost if the peace is not organized.” - Aristotle

How is Sweden organizing for peace?

And lastly:

How is Sweden a law abiding country, if, through decades, the governments and parliaments (which are elected by and are the representatives of the citizens, so whatever happens in this country, it is ALSO the responsibility of the individual citizens and NOT only of the Nanny, I just put this here in parentheses, for Swedes seem to forget this) - if they are violate their own weapon export law, for one?

How on Earth can Sweden be called one of the most peaceful nations of the world, when they are one of the biggest arm exporters as well?

A few questions, before the election day...

(ps: this I wrote particularly about Sweden and her open or underhanded warfare dealings, but as for war, it would concern a couple of other nations, too, one can think of too many.)

And to ease up a bit after this heavy topic, a little music for you, with a Hugnarian song arranged by an Israeli composer and put to photos of the beautiful Swedish waters of Baltic sea...

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Sunday, July 18, 2010

How not to choose the right partner? Mistake #5

It's very well time to finish my little series about how to avoid failures in choosing your partner... I was quite busy in the last few months with different things, and it seems like I have written up most of the things I had to say about this matter - at least, I don't really have attention on them any more, instead, I am looking into the future :-)

But just for the record and to make it complete, here is one last thing that might be useful for some of you - in fact, I wish so much I'd had known this better!

(Quick recap of the previous articles:
Mistake #4 (when you don't look, only listen)
Mistake #3 (non-supportive partner)
Mistake #2 (too different purposes, lifestyles)
Mistake #1 (different communication levels)

This last one below may seem obvious to some people, or may seem totally and revolutionary new to others, even completely unreal to some:


It is simply when one of the partners feels superior (greater, more powerful, more important etc) or inferior (lesser, weaker, less important etc), compared to the other. Although the "symptomes" vary, the end result will be the same: with such a partner, one will feel worse and worse, less able, less competent and healthy, happy, valuable, active, creative, you name it. 

This has endless manifestations and ramifications throughout the various civilizations of Earth: from openly and often crucially suppressing women in certain countries, to the bigotry of misinterpreted gender equality in other places (shall I mention Sweden? don't get me started on it, maybe another time...)

And this is what is called today as "energy vampires" or "psychic vampires", and it is vital to know the basics about the subject of how people become suppressed and by whom, the real nature of suppression, and how to handle that. Otherwise one can't do anything effective about it, no matter if you try to use the most fashionable, ezoteric psycho-bla-bla, full with the most scientific-sounding words. It's more simple than that. 

Simple examples, taken from real life:

It's very easy to recognize if your partner shows his or her superior attitude to you in a direct manner: being bossy, ordering you around, always criticizing what you do, etc. There are thousands of stories and jokes around this sad topic, and I am sure everyone can think of a couple who are like that.

Solution? If you are not masochist and don't want to live with a despot, quit and find a partner. (Note: there might be times when your partner who was not critical to you at the first place but a real sweetheart, becomes so after a while - that has a certain reason which can be remedied and love can reign again.)

But what if your partner doesn't show it directly that he or she thinks less of you than of his or herself? Snide, sneaky, covertly hostile comments "Darling, why do you put on red skirt in your age?", "In this jacket, everyone will see that you came from another country", "jokes" about you in front of your friends and so on "Oh, that's only my Hubby, he doesn't count", might seem funny and well-intentioned - but the result is that you will feel somehow uncomfortable and degraded, and maybe you don't even recognize why.   

Solution? Unless you are the same sneak type and you enjoy killing each other slowly but surely, RUN!!!!!!!! As fast as you can, and don't ever look back. 

Inferiority might be also very hard to detect at times, but can ruin a relationship just like that.

Especially artists and other talented, outstanding people tend to attract such partners - people with lesser abilities, vital force, emotional or mental powers, personality etc, etc, need somebody else close to them so that they can feed on the energy of the other one. These people might be the most lovable, best intentioned persons who will not knowingly "suck the blood" of the stronger, more able one and if your partner is like that, they might most honestly love and admire you and even die for you.

In fact, it very well may be that these people who feel smaller, weaker, less talented and so on than their partners, have no any other reason for that, except that they have "learned" it from other people sometime in the past that they were weak, no good etc, and by now, this is what they think about themselves.

An example: you are an artist and your mate is telling you "You are so great, and I know I will never be able to get to that height, I can't even grasp how can it be..." He is saying what? That no matter if he is an extraordinarily intelligent man, with outstanding leadership talents and other skills, let's say - he feels he is less more valuable than you are.

Then how are you supposed to love and admire such a man, how can you two be partners?  

Fortunately, again, this kind of inferiority, when the other who feels he is less than you are, but in fact he has some really great values, can be remedied and you can greatly help him. There are steps one can take to discover the causes why one thinks less about himself than one should. But in such a case, it has to be first of all the party concerned who needs to have the will to sort out his or her issues, you can only assist your partner. If your partner doesn't want to, kindly say goodbye and RUN!!!!

Indeed, I had myself this problem, even with a boy where basically everything else seemed to be almost perfect: my thing was that that time I had no name as an artist, no real path and future before me, for I didn't know myself what I wanted to do with my singing, I only had some very lousy gigs, I felt I was in a quite degrading position - and he was a successful musician, making good money with it, performing for the biggest international festivals etcetera. So I didn't really have the self-confidence and all that which would be necessary for a stable relationship. (By now, although I am not a superstar, this is not a issue any more, I could even have the biggest rock star, if he came my way ;-)

Alright folks, hopefully there is some info you'll find useful in all this, for yourself or for somebody you know...

Wish you all happiness, with a partner who indeed does what he or she speaks about, with whom you can communicate very well, with whom you can align your purposes and life, who is supporting you (and of course this has to be mutual), and with whom you can honestly love and admire each other. How about that? :-)

Imperial group as Mars and Venus, at the Louvre. Photo: Marie-Lan Nguyen/Wikimedia Commons
Photo source: Imperial group as Mars and Venus, by Marie-Lan Nguyen on Wikimedia Commons  
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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Thinking outside the box

Researchers of the Swedish Karolinska Institute just came up with an ingeniously insane study where they confirm that "distinction between psychological illness and creative thinking is wafer thin", as they say it on The Local: (Fine line between ingenious and insane: study).

Giving big, scientific words and explanations that seem oh so scientific, simply seems insanely ridiculous to me. Blatantly put: this study (just as the similar ones designed to explain why certain human behaviors - good or bad - come from certain brain malfunctions) doesn't prove a sh*t. For the very simple fact that there is no such a thing as "psychological illness". All those "diseases" have been and are being invented by psychiatrists, in order to sell medications for profits and control the population as a herd of sheep.

Watch the next phases of this story, it will go like this: soon they will STATE that indeed, there is a brain malfunction in geniuses, a certain "chemical imbalance" causes them to think and act in a super fast and individual way. And the next step will be saying "no worries, researches to develop the right cure are already in progress" (without mentioning which pharmaceutical company is funding those studies), and a bit later, voila, researchers have identified the chemical factor which is missing/overrepresented in the brains of those individuals, from which it is just one step away to develop "the right cure," in form of a new drug, of course (and guess which company will manufacture that drug...).

This is the standard routine of putting new psychiatric drugs on the market, just look at any of them. With a few other steps in between, so that it won't be so obvious - and also with an ingenious PR where they sell the idea to all the authorities and to the media. Ordinary people then will have no other choice than to believe the ingeniously made-up story, because it comes from the authorities and experts, and they hear it all the time from tv, radio and the papers, so it must be true.

Oh, yeah.

And here we can see how ingeniously they are working on this plot: psychs (=psychiatrists) are planning to classify independent thinking as a mental disorder - see NaturalNews article Now independent thinkers are considered diseased by psychiatry.

Simply ignore what these guys say, and think outside of the box, folks!

These are the kind of things highly creative persons tend to play around with: (warning: shameless self-promotion :-) )

Watch video on YouTube

And fortunately, there are sooooo many artists and thinkers, inventors around whose work I could put here to illustrate what a highly creative human being can accomplish, a good couple of names cross my mind, close and not-so-close friends, determining personalities of the past and the present and the creators of future of Mankind.

Read this one, too: Restless people

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Tuesday, March 9, 2010

How not to choose the right partner? Mistake #4

From the previous post How not to choose the right partner? Mistake #3, simply follows

Mistake #4: 

when you don't look, only listen

This one should be very simple, yet so many times we fall for the trap...

Interesting that I have planned this topic as the next one for my series, and yesterday I bumped into exactly this in two different places. One was a friend's status update on Facebook, the other one was a blog post I read called No More I Love You's, by Wolynski )who has also contributed to my Mistake #3 article with his comment).

Of course, the flowers, whispering I Love You's and sweet nothings, candle light and all that jazz, will fancy your girl and make a romance romance, they are all beautiful, they are the salt & pepper of a relationship - but would you eat salt & pepper by itself, without the meal? And here we are back at Mistake #2 where one should know first what kind of things one wants to share with the loved one, what would be the meal.

And for that, it is not enough to listen, one has to look. To ask for proving it when he or she says "I love you", might be a bit vague, because if your sweetheart doesn't know you enough yet to find out what would you need or want and you don't tell, it might easily result in upset.

But you can listen what he or she says and you can observe what he or she is doing about it. This is actually quite easy and speaks for itself - if one is willing and able to observe.

Let's see how it can go in reality, and when you realize the first such signs, you better turn around and RUN.

Your guy says he will be the bacon bringer for the big family and you can stay home and take care of the house and the many kids - But he doesn't even earn enough for two of you...

The handsome boy is raving about how much he loves dancing and when he was a bit younger, he would spend all his free nights out in the disco, till dawn, yuppie, that's your life! - But it takes him 2 years to take you out dancing, once...
You are a musician girl and your guy says he will be your manager. Wonderful, you know he is a perfectionist and he can do any task to the highest standards - But you soon realize that he doesn't know anything even about the local music scene and in fact, never liked to go to concerts, he prefers to spend his evenings at home on the sofa...

Other artist examples I mentioned in my previous postings. 

Your better half is telling you that you can talk with him about everything, anytime, because he only likes honest and open communication - But as time goes by, you have to see that he simply refuses to talk about certain subjects. Let's say, he is getting into the same kind of trouble at his work over and over again and he is bringing home to you all these problems which obviously will have a bad influence on your relationship, but he is not willing to look at what could he possibly change to take responsibility for the matter and sort it out. No matter how kind and gentle your approach, he would simply close his ears and mind and shut you up.

The absolutely charming boy is telling you how beautiful you are and all those sweet words that make you melt, how much he would love you to be there with him - But besides sighing, he is not making any arrangements, not even plans so that you can be together. One of my most wonderful relationships was with a man I dated for a while through half of Europe, we lived in two far corners of the continent and we met each other in 4 countries, with impossible stories of catching trains and buses and so on. A beautiful memory for my whole life, and this man inspired me to write some of my poems. Unfortunately, what didn't work out between us was what I mentioned in Mistake #2: too different lives.

You see how messy can it get when one makes only one of these mistakes? And many times these four interlace, and #4 was not the last one yet...

Text, photo: Andrea Gerak

Also in Andrea's Blog

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Friday, February 26, 2010

How not to choose the right partner? Mistake #3


As I am getting some interesting feedback (pro and contra) on my previous posts Mistake #1 and Mistake #2, it's time to elaborate it a little more.

I take up now a point that I wanted to talk about a bit later: How the two people can have a happy relationship, if their lifestyles are different. Am I saying, for example, that an artist can only be happy with another artist? No, I am not: I know several happy couples where only one of them is an artist, so it can obviously work out well: a performing pianist with a wife who makes him a warm home and takes care of the children, a singer girl with a husband who keeps her feet on the ground and deals with the administrative matters, and so on, there are others as well.

The point is: how is your spouse actually supporting what you do. 

Mistake #3: 

Non-supportive partner

Let's say, you always wanted to get on a motorbike and rooooaaaarrrr! But your girl says Noooo way, honey, it's too dangerous, and I love you so much, awwwww, yap, yap, yap. Won't you be much happier with a girl who would get a license for herself as well, so that you can explore the roads together, Born To Be Wiii-i-i-ild? - this is what my lovely girlfriend did for her guy for instance, and they have great fun.  

Or, you are very interested in self-betterment activities, you take courses on how to improve certain skills you have, interpersonal relationships, how to cook healthy food, you go to clubs where you discuss how to live in a green way, whatever your interest is. But your husband is not open for new information on these subjects, he has some unshakable data about how things should go, because "that's the way it has been always done", and he keeps telling you how stupid is to spend your time on such nonsense, the woman should sit at home - RUN!!, and find somebody else, if you can't handle him on this.

Artists. Why, that's a quite sensitive topic, because artists very often tend to attract partners who won't support their activities, or worse, will try to stop them in one way or the other. And many times, it is very difficult to recognize such a situation, because of all the emotional and sensual aspects; the sexual bond, the sweet words he or she is whispering in your ears, her beauty or his handsomeness and so on, will not let you see.

Probably the worst thing that can happen to an artist is to hook up with somebody who says they love your art sooo much, but in fact, they are doing things that pull you down as an artist.  

The man says he wants to be your manager? Wow, what can be better than that, to really share your life with your love who admires your art so much and wants to support it? So you move in with him, you cook his dinner etc, but after a while you realize that it takes your sweetheart 4 months to check out the video you made to one of your songs (if he watches it at all), because he is too busy with reading the news on the internet and wants to finish his computer game first... Indirectly, he is saying what? That the computer game and the evening news are more important than your artistic creation, but of course, he will not tell you this in your face.  

Your gorgeous girl keeps saying how much she loves your music, she has never enough of it, oh baby, I love you so much, you are the best!!! and all that. Meanwhile she is posting videos of you where she makes you, the big artist, act how she wants it, on the level of a 13-year-old kid, along with videos where her girlfriend is sitting and peeing on the toilet, or posting a strip bar as a photo of you... Now, if that's not degrading, than what is?

Sadly enough, this is a real example, and this chick goes even further: she is posting his songs on a music website under her name, and gives a baby in diapers as an artist photo, along with a portrait of another artist. This musician is before a big release and tours and etcetera - surely it will make an impact on the music biz people, and his fans... I won't put the link here, because this is an absolutely disgusting way of making nothing out of an artist, don't you think? These kind of actions are very well disguised as "being funny", "just a joke", and such, because the girl is so cute and she has a hilarious sense of humor - but in reality, it is simply degrading the artist and his work, big time.

Whether it's intentional from her part, whether it's not and this is all what she is able to do with her intellect - it just sucks the life out of the other being, without him even noticing it.

And this is the most dangerous way of ruining a talented person, because of its insidious nature; it is hard to detect when you are sooo much in love with your beautiful and sexy darling and she tells you all the time how much she loves you and your work.

Better wake up, my friend, and look! If you only listen, it might not result in the music you would like to hear...

-- Andrea Gerak
Photo: Iqbal Saggu

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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

How not to choose the right partner? Mistake #2

Okay, so you are so much in love that nothing else matters and you would go to the end of the world with your partner, right? Even if you have to give up your home, your career, your hobbies, move away from family and friends and your beloved hometown, - as long as you two are together, nothing bad can happen and everything is hunky-dory, love will get you through everything.

That's beautiful and very romantic! This is what we have all read in the wonderful books and seen in the movies, these are the stories to sigh and dream about. But how does it work in actual life?

It might and when it does, you see a truly happy couple. Only you must not make
Mistake #2:

Too different purposes, lifestyles

Not talking about now such extremes that a person working for an anti-drug campaign, would not marry a cocaine dealer.

But this is something that is very often ignored: how will the various life areas align when two people decide to start a life together?

Before deciding to move in with one's flame (or perhaps better, before even starting the relationship), it's very useful - I would say ESSENTIAL - to take a look at one's own life, as for what exactly one wants for himself (work and leisure, belongings etc), and in terms of family and relationship, friends, groups or associations one is part of, etc. And see how does all that fit to what the partner wants.

Ask yourself and your partner questions, such as: How the place where we would live will suit my profession (work, hobby, passion, mission, whatever is relevant)? How do I keep contact with my friends and associates? How do our schedules match and is that workable on a long term? What kind of environment would I like to live in? What kind of things can we actually share together?


I have been always an outgoing person, active in various artist groups or did sports, happy in big cities where something cultural was happening and even happier when I could also contribute to it, not being only a spectator, eight nights a week I would be out, training, rehearsing, performing, taking lessons, watching others performances, etc. Can you imagine me to be a cute housewife, staying at home with four children, taking care of the house, the chicken and the potatoes&carrots in the garden, in a tiny village, with not even a mobile phone that time, not not mention internet with Facebook and all? That's what one of my guys had in mind for me...

Or let's say, you are a musician, with a great place to live in a city with a buzzy music scene where you have your friends and connections, and you are planning big tours for your upcoming album, wanna show your music to the whole world, now you are really started rocketing, full of power and creativity, wooooom! Then comes this gorgeous, super-sexy girl and of course, you would trade the whole world for her beautiful eyes. Wonderful, that's how love should start!
But how should it go on?
You are so in love that you don't recognize her obvious attempts to catch a hubby who would stay home with her and make babies - this is what she wants right now. It's great for a man to create a family with a woman, but the last thing you ever wanted for yourself is to be a decent Hubby and live an ordinary life with your Wifey.
And she is soooo beautiful and you are sooooo much in love that you drop everything: from your fantastic, inspiring environment where you were free to make your music any time of the day or night, and from the big city where your manager and other contacts live, you go down and move in with her in a far away small town where you only know your girl and her family, and where hardly anything is happening.

You are toast, mate, and after the first times of thrill are gone, you'll feel miserable, but you won't be able to put your finger on it why... Of course you'll know why: because you are not going toward your purpose, you are not doing what you want to do. If your purpose is to go out and share your music with the world, you can't do that by sitting in the house in a small place, changing diapers and being a sweet hubby, revolving your whole life around your wifey, can you?

And if you do marry this gorgeous one, why, your wedding ceremony will be your funeral as an artist.   

Or the other way around: you are perfectly happy with sitting at home after work and figure out chess tactics for hours, so that you can beat your buddies at the club on Friday, but your honey wants to go out with you three times a week for a dance course - you never understood why was it good to shake one's ass and do all those strange movements when one could just sit down in peace and figure out things. After a while you might realize that your wife is going out two more nights with her new dance partner, and not only for the course...

Not aligning purposes is probably the fastest, most effective road to an unhappy relationship, and that's not what you want, right?

Andrea Gerak
photo: "Shared journey", by Alicepopkorn

How not to choose the right partner? Mistake #1

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